What is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety in children is a common and natural part of development, marked by a sudden awareness of being separated from their parents. This can manifest in different ways, from clinginess and fear of strangers to sleep disruptions and overnight wake-ups.

Separation anxiety typically begins about 6 months and can peak about the 8-month mark.  At 6 months, your baby starts to develop object permanence, which is when they understand that people and objects exist even when they can’t see them. This cognitive development means they realize that mommy or daddy is not present, and this leads to anxiety.

What are common signs of Separation Anxiety?

• Clinginess – not wanting to be separated from a parent
• Crying when you leave the room
• Fear of strangers
• Reluctance to do something on their own in a new situation
• Preference for one parent
• Bedtime struggles (Needing a parent nearby to fall asleep , or suddenly waking in the night needing a parent when they previously slept through)
• School Refusal – Reluctance to be in school and do school activities

How can I help my infant/child through this?

• Practice brief stints of separation. You leave, but you come back, so your little one is reassured you’ll always come back.
• Consistent routines—Now more than ever, the consistent routines that I love to talk about come into play. Babies and children thrive on routine; it gives them a feeling of security, which can be especially reassuring during times of separation anxiety.
• If nighttime separation anxiety is at play, you may need to fill up your little one’s cup with a longer wind-down routine so they feel secure and have some time to connect with you. I’ve had to do this with my 8-year-old (so it’s not just babies and young children who it can affect), who suddenly has nighttime fears and doesn’t want me to leave. As a parent, I’ve had to try to reassure her through these fears, we talk through them, I give her extra time at wind-down. I also had the help of a worry monster plush toy where she got to write down her fears on a tiny notebook and popped it in the monster’s mouth, and he ate up all her worries. This was a wonderful idea that helped massively! This phase, too, has passed.
• Spending time in their new environment: Whether it’s at a daycare or a childminder, it’s good to spend a little time there with them to get them settled in and used to their new space. Most daycares and nurseries let children have a little time to settle in to make the transition smoother for everyone.
• Quick goodbyes- It’s best to avoid drawn-out goodbyes, as it can just lead to more anxiety and tears. Keep them brief but positive and offer reassurance that mommy or daddy will always be back.
• Games like peek-a-boo are a fun way to show an infant that even though you go, you do come back!
• I’m a big fan of reading books to our children that represent what feelings they are going through. Here are some lovely books to read to your little ones about separation anxiety. “Owl Babies” by Martin Waddell, “I Love you All Day Long” by Francesca Rusackas and “Llama Llama Misses Mama” by Anna Dewdney

When it comes to sleep, we as parents naturally don’t want our child’s sleep to be derailed, but we need to be aware that these milestones are normal and temporary, and we can guide them through it with some extra support and reassurance. It may take the form of a more in-room approach, but your child will get through it.

If you’re ever in doubt and need help with Separation Anxiety, reach out to me and book a free discovery call via the link on the website.