What is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety in children is a common and natural part of development, marked by a sudden awareness of being separated from their parents. This can manifest in different ways, from clinginess and fear of strangers to sleep disruptions and overnight wake-ups.

Separation anxiety typically begins about 6 months and can peak about the 8-month mark.  At 6 months, your baby starts to develop object permanence, which is when they understand that people and objects exist even when they can’t see them. This cognitive development means they realize that mommy or daddy is not present, and this leads to anxiety.

What are common signs of Separation Anxiety?

• Clinginess – not wanting to be separated from a parent
• Crying when you leave the room
• Fear of strangers
• Reluctance to do something on their own in a new situation
• Preference for one parent
• Bedtime struggles (Needing a parent nearby to fall asleep , or suddenly waking in the night needing a parent when they previously slept through)
• School Refusal – Reluctance to be in school and do school activities

How can I help my infant/child through this?

• Practice brief stints of separation. You leave, but you come back, so your little one is reassured you’ll always come back.
• Consistent routines— Babies and children thrive on routine; it gives them a feeling of security, which is especially reassuring during times of separation anxiety.
• If night-time separation anxiety is at play, you may need to fill up your little one’s cup with a longer wind-down routine so they feel secure and have some time to connect with you.
• Spending time in their new environment: Whether it’s at a day-care or a childminder, spend some there to get them used to their new space. Most day-cares and nurseries have this transition time for children.
• Quick goodbyes- It’s best to avoid drawn-out goodbyes, as it can just lead to more anxiety and tears. Keep them brief but positive.  Reassure them that mommy or daddy will always come back.
• Games like peek-a-boo are a fun way to show an infant that even though you go, you do come back!
• I’m a big fan of reading books to our children that represent what feelings they are going through. Here are some lovely books to read to your little ones about separation anxiety. “Owl Babies” by Martin Waddell, “I Love you All Day Long” by Francesca Rusackas and “Llama Llama Misses Mama” by Anna Dewdney.

As parents, we need to be aware that these milestones are normal and temporary. We can guide them through it with some extra support and reassurance. It may take the form of a more in-room approach, but your child will get through it.

If you’re ever in doubt and need help with Separation Anxiety, reach out to me and book a free discovery call with me.